i think i'm going to start using this again.

i don't really like writing super in-depth things on my tumblr, because it moves so fast and it's so public. plus, i don't even think any of my friends use this anymore. even if they do, they'd have to click on my profile to read it.

i read through all of my previous entries, and i was surprised at how much i was putting out there. looking back at 2009, i didn't think i felt as bad/misplaced/confused as i was writing. but maybe i was, who knows. with the exception of one (major) event, i do a pretty good job at blocking out the shitty memories.

new found glory's 10th anniversary of their self-titled was last night. it was incredible. i can't explain how much it means to me. i've said it a million times, and i'll say it 10 million more before i die, but music is the best thing that's ever happened to me. i wish everyone could feel what it felt like, but then i think it'd just be an ordinary feeling. who knows.

i'm a little upset with myself because i feel like i want to be in a relationship again. like, legitmately. granted, this is the longest i've been single...ever? me and lem broke up in like, august of 2008 and i've talked to a couple people, but that's about it. normally i go straight from one (fucked up) relationship to another (fucked up) relationship. i want something different this time. lemon taught me a lot about what i do and don't want. not that i need a relationship, or anything. i'm still really content being single. it's awesome to be able to go do whatever, whenever, with whoever. but there's something missing from that too, obviously.

ryan is probably single-handedly the best dude i've ever met in my life. seriously, such a great friend, for so many reasons. i wish i was going to tegan&sara with him, gabrielle, and dan tonight.


meh. there's a lot more i could talk about, but i think i'm done writing for today, because my brain is just a clusterfuck.