if i tried to explain it, i wouldn't know where to start

and life re-writes itself yet again.








different songs, same situations.
it can't always be them. at some point it becomes me.

we keep on trying to pull it through

if dreams really do tell you anything,
than my dream last night pretty much told me:


i've. got. problems. i'm. a. fucked. up. kid.




what else can i do at this point but try to lol about it?
i feel like my life is a joke when it comes to certain things.

these are the only crowded rooms where i am not alone

this is what it looks like when baltimore invades richmond.

even though the venue was too small and i barely saw anything, being at a fest is one of the best things i've ever done in my life. there is not enough money or time in my life for me to go to them all and it sucks. every band was so on point and sounded great. i have said it like 900 times, but hardcore is by far the best thing i have ever done and will ever do in my life.

also, riding home today, the weather was gorgeous and the windows were down (listening to saves the day of course) and even though there is a lot of shit bugging me right now, life felt about as close to perfect as it could get. friends, road trips, hardcore (music in general), and laughing are seriously the only things i need in my life.

i'm pretty sure you'd never find another group like us. i feel like we laugh and have fun so much more than most people. we discussed this at wafflehouse over breakfast this morning.




sound and fury's lineup is pretty weak at the moment, but if anyone wants to go, i'm seriously down. no care ever. twentysomething years old spending every dollar i get on things like that sounds perfect to me.

you've seen my worlds at warrrrr

the past couple weeks i was not even that stoked about united blood for some reason.
but i woke up this morning so stoked on life. this week has seriously sucked.
but tomorrow and saturday, seriously nothing matters. fests, ftw.
for some reason i didn't even realize blacklisted was playing,
so i'm 20x more excited (even having seen them like a hundred times, they still blow my mind).
our hotel room(s) are going to be totally packed with totally random people.
me and danny made up last weekend so he will be joining us i think. stoked.
so many pictures being taken. so many beers to drink. so much mosh.
i wish some people were coming that didn't get tickets in time :(
oh well. there's always this is hardcore.


blacklisted and the ergz all day.
packing/the sims/bob/rodos tonight.
partypartypartymoshmoshmosh this weekend!!! :D

seriously.

i wish i knew why everything i do is not good enough for my mom.
literally fucking everything.

i'm at my house one night a week,
and i spend the whole time being told that i'm not doing things fast enough, or right, or without bitching.
of course i'm bitching.
when i'm waiting on other people to give me answers, it's out of my hands, i can turn answers over in 5 minutes.


i want to spend nights at home sometimes,
but when i'm here i completely understand why i'm only here one night a week.
and that fucking sucks.

we'll be the rules that broke rules

i really need to clean my room. there are just shoes, art, and water bottles everywhere.

i like date days, like today was. just hanging out with bob.

we got up and went to slainte's for the liverpool game/breakfast.
then we went to the avenue so i could buy a book, we got ice cream, and we saw last house on the left. i really thought it was gonna let me down because i feel as though the original is a classic and shouldn't be touched. but it was good. i'd recommend it if you're into that style of horror. sam raimi has a new horror movie coming out too, which looks terrifying (but not in the vein of his other movies).
after that we went to target and best buy. we watched twilight.
it was good, but it probably doesn't deserve the rave reviews and worldwide phenomenon.
however, it does make being vampires seem so appealing (every vampire movie does that to me)

i'm so tired.
partying as hard as i did on friday usually destroys me for the rest of the weekend.
so now it's sex and the city season 2 til i fall asleep.

oh, lolz.

sex and the city is so true sometimes.
people really do date the same type of person over and over again.



it's friday.
i'm ready for another amazing weekend.

and i thought about saying no to hope

i won't let my past get the best of me.

7 years have made me into a bitter person and in a month he's fixing it all.





just please stay out of my life.
3 years of memories/bullshit is more than enough.
it's MY time to be happy.

mixtapes and memories

i also forgot how much i love this song:


I promise this won't be another song about being alone,
but all I feel is regretand I can't find the nerve to pick up the telephone.
I was thinking about how it drives me crazy
just to feel your hand in mine,and how simple that is
and I've thought about saying no to hope,
but I have this funny habit of putting pictures up on the wall of you and me.
I know that priorities never understand reality
and time never lends itself to those who are waiting on love.
But it is overdue that we should share this night and
Grace,your smile is the only thing that keeps me breathing.
and I've thought about saying no to hope,
but I have this funny habit of putting pictures up on the wall of you and me.
The hours pass by like minutes when I'm with you.
The hours pass like minutes in the rain.
So lets stand here in the rain forever.



the lyndsay diaries ftw.

youre no setting sun

i forgot how much it rules to have a shitty day
and have someone to be excited to see when you're off.
it seriously makes the day not so bad.

don't it feel like sunshine after all

jimmy eat world all day at work.








another successful weekend.


i'm in desperate need of a new cheap digital camera,
so that i can really start taking pictures of fun times.
i also need to start doing some photography again.
sarah likes to ride around with me and pick out stuff she thinks i'd like.




i ate a lot of delicious meals this weekend.
friday bob took me to longhorn. steak, shrimpz, beer. niceee.
saturday stuffed crust pizza from pizza hut (thx bill)
sunday little china!! so delicious. it's my lunch today.

this picture appeals to me so hard for some reason. McMillian.

but my brain knows better...

it's really unexpected and fast for me. and nothing that i was looking for.
but it really fits well. and i haven't been this excited about someone since 2006 (oof).


it was impossible not to smile when i was looking at him last night.
and i have no idea the last time that happened.
i like him. my friends like him. &they like us together.
some people are going to be pissed off. but such is life.


"and i know this might seem sudden and crazy
but these are the things i could never find a way to say"
the ergs are seriously writing my life right now.

kind of like smitten

me: i really really like fireworks
verrucktbass: i really really like u




he's changing me.

when you come home i'll jump up to kiss you

we are reasonably mature at this point in life.

and i feel like if there is an issue, then it should be discussed.

there really shouldn't be shittalking and sulking at this point.

that's all i really have to say on that subject.

i really want to go to the beach soon.

get a couple hotel rooms and hang out.

balconies and ocean breezes, hell yeah.

and the arcade, of course.

i STILL have all those tickets that i haven't cashed in.

been collecting since november 2007.

and cheap ass vans.

soon, please?

i had a lot of fun in DC, i wanna go back this weekend.

go to georgetown. olde town alexandria, maybe.

the art museums for sure, plz.

i like taking day trips and feel like it should happen frequently.

this picture makes me happy even though i look silly in it.

you said i must eat so many lemons

the past week and weekend seemed to last a month long at least. on monday i was out of work because of snow and then yesterday i was outside in a tanktop loving life. oh, the east coast.

work is a little slow at the moment so i figured i'd take some time for a real update.

i'm glad warm weather is coming. i feel so much more sane when it's warm out. probably because winter always shits on me so hard, in every aspect: work/school; dudes; money; home.

i told tricia the other day that i think she's one of the best people i know, and while i feel like it's totally untrue, she said the same to me. i love her, foreverrrr.

sarah and i read livejournals we posted in 2005. saying we loved each other and we'd never fight and be shitty to each other like her and darcee. oh the things that time tells, hahah. it's so random looking back on things that were written/pictures that were taken years ago that tell the future and you have no idea at the time.


i really don't want to be cynical and skeptical anymore. 23 is too young for that.
i was telling esun about a book that i had made a few semesters back in my bookmaking class, about the people that have come in&out of my life and even though for the most part they've come back in one way or another (unless they are dead of course) they have all severely fucked me up and my outlook on things. i want it to change.


if i do what i feel like i'm heading in the path of doing, i'm going to end up hurting a couple people. and i feel bad about that, but i also feel like i can't keep doing the same shit over and over, i deserve more than that. on the other hand, i also don't feel like i deserve how i'm being treated right now. it's weird, i think semi-highly of myself, but i don't really see why other people do.



idk. i'm too vague on blog because it's public.

work the pole, i got the bankroll

i love to be comfortable with someone and have them be the same with me.





life is random.





chesterfield king is the song on my mind right now.

green street hooligans

okay. i can't get over a few things:

1) i have had a love for hooligans (and boys who look like hooligans, see: eric from canada) for a long time. so how had i never seen this movie.

2) it's very rare that a movie will hold my attention while i'm laying in bed past 11pm. and that i will stay awake in its entirety.

3) it's even more rare that a movie will hold my attention while i'm laying in bed past 11pm, that i stay awake in its entirety, AND that it makes me cry and not tired anymore.


i'm so in love.
it ruled. and a goal of mine for today or tomorrow is to go to soundgarden and purchase it.
that's all.

:)

oof.

this is a quote from Steve Toltz's "A Fraction of the Whole" and it's so ridiculously true and sad.

"While Terry joined the others in the pool, I subjected myself to a dreadful thing called musical chairs, another cruel game. There's one chair short, and when the music stops you have to run for a seat. The life lessons never stop at a children's party. The music blares. You never know when it's going to stop. You're on the edge the whole game; the tension is unbearable. Everyone dances in a circle around the ring of chairs, but it's no happy dance. Everyone has his eyes on the mother over by the radio, her hand poised on the volume control. Now and then a child wrongly anticipates her and dives for a chair. He's shouted at. He jumps off the seat again. He's a wreck. The music plays on. The children's faces are contorted in terror. No one wants to be excluded. The mother taunts the children by pretending to reach for the volume. The children wish she were dead. The game is an analogy for life: there are not enough chairs or good times to go around, not enough food, not enough joy, nor beds nor jobs nor laughs nor friends nor smiles nor money nor clean air to breathe . . . and yet the music goes on."


i think i need to read this book.

i still wear your heart around my throat

i feel like i have nothing to say. nothing to write about. so weird.
i guess it's because i'm keeping a lot of things to myself lately.

if me at 16 had met me today, me at 16 would probably punch me today.
i'm not sure if that makes sense.
i don't know.

i have no idea when i got so cynical.
i mean, obviously time, and a handful of people made me that way.
i just thought i'd never give up. and i think i have.

me and esun were talking about tattoos.
and the next one i'm getting has so much meaning,
that it's really hard for me to discuss with a lot of people who know me really well.
i will probably only really tell the meaning to a few people.

that's something else i don't like about myself now.
i used to be so open and i'd tell anyone anything.



i'm not even sad, so i'm not sure why this entry comes out as depressing.
whateverrrr. tomorrow is thursday! bar night!

cannot wait to see trishy this weekend.