you're a long way from the place you thought you'd be by now

today is probably the worst day i've had in years.

if you asked me in high school where i'd be in 5 years...this is probably the total opposite of what i thought...and i've been out of school for 6 years now.

i live at home. i have not graduated college. i am single...sooooo far from being in a serious relationship. i do have a decent job...but i got that because my mom is friends with my boss.
i am probably going to fail at least one of the incompletes that i had to turn in today...which makes 4 or 5 classes i have left to take until i can graduate.

i feel like i'm so far behind on life. i wanted to be out of college, married or close to it, and working with photography.

i'm unhappy with my stomach. i don't want to hear i'm not fat. i know i'm not fat. but i'm not what i want to be. i want to be toned and in shape. i want to be tan. and i never want my eyeliner to smear on my eyelid after i put it on. sorry. that was a bit ridiculous.


i had a huge falling out with danny tonight. i've been taken advantage of for a long time. i didn't mind, because i love danny and i've seen the amazing person that he can be. but there are just too many times that he has no respect or regards for his "best friends" and their feelings. i just can't do it anymore. it really sucks. but being told that "it's pathetic that i cling to him like a lifeline" is pretty shitty. oh, and did i mention totally untrue? yeah.

fuck today.

i'm still waiting for you to get over this

i'm seriously getting sick of being let down.


as a good friend, my opinion should matter.
you completely disrespected me.




the two dudes who mean the most to me seem to be the worst ones in my life.

this night's almost over

well, now that it's been announced that blink 182 is getting back together,
it has sent me back into being 16 again completely.
i'm watching their videos and thinking dudes skating is the cutest thing ever.
in all honesty though, blink 182 basically defined who i was for a very long time.

this weekend was pretty good.
friday i was the designated driver (and i actually did remain relatively sober).
we went to wes' and it was a good time. josh was there wasted. i kept my composure.
then we went to james davidsons. he was naked when we got there, of course.
paul, jake, and jake came and that ruled bc i haven't seen paul in months, and i love both jakes.
james and chris slept.
tony and ryan came over and we watched jackass til i passed out around 6am.
sarah, james, and i had a sleepover in their living room.

saturday we went to happy hour.
i was drunk before we left and sarah was the designated driver (unbelievable!!)
me, sarah, james, chris, and matt watched stepbrothers.
i was already being incoherent when we left for steve's house.
me and matt played beer pong and won a couple games.
i continued to drink.
paul and jake showed up again and i got happy again.
i made friends.
matt won a decent amount of money on craps and c lo.
i started to pass out on dustin at like 430 (i think?)
so he walked me to the car and got me home safe, wooooo.

today i took some pictures.
i love going on picture taking adventures with sarah because she gets excited like she is the photographer.


wednesday is paul's birthday and i'm excited. woooo 21!!!!
stoked on everyone turning 21 this year.

what a busy day.

today i:

- worked for 8 hours and 45 minutes.
- went to happy hour and got drunk with ryan and danny.
- sobered up and hung out with sarah and james.
- came home and flipped out crying.
- recovered from that and giggled.
- poured my heart out in an email.



overall, a productive day.